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Miscellaneous
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Submitted by Matthew
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John and Nancy decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their six-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plans into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot." He said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Smiths have company," he called out, "Matt is riding a new bike and the Sanders are having sex."
Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied. |
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Miscellaneous
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Submitted by Mr.Geek
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An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out! |
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Miscellaneous
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Submitted by Jackie23
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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. |
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Political Jokes
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Submitted by Simply Sue
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Boy: Dad, what's politics?
Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?
Boy: I still don't understand dad.
Dad: Think about it for a while son.
That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he's soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can here him.
The next day... |
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Party Jokes
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Submitted by Daddy's Girlie
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Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." |
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Funny Quotes
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Submitted by Sam
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Dear God, I want to be just like my Daddy when i get big, but not with soo much hair all over |
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Funny Quotes
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Submitted by Joyce
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Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother, but what i prayed for was a puppy |
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Celebrity Jokes
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Submitted by JimBrown
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Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!" |
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Bar Jokes
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Submitted by hubby2be
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A drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her." |
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Bar Jokes
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Submitted by Mickey
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Three macho mice are sitting at a bar discussing just how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says: "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot. |
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